Aahh, ok, i've begun to let it sink in. today, little and i filled out all the forms for her dorm living in the fall. describe yourself [the application read] ... irreverently funny and likes to nap, a little OCD (but hey aren't we all?), makes friends easily but not really the cheerleader or theatre type ...(here we're trying to cancel out the really loud "oh my gawd" giddy girls and the "goth" existential girls.) we're giggling and laughing on the sofa. i'm coming around slowly but its hard. it ended up being sooo exhausting putting that much thought into describing who you are so that someone on the other end can try and find the right person to live with you. it was beginning to sink in for her as well. curling up, she snuggled in and promptly fell asleep on my shoulder. i continued filling out the parent section feeling the tears stinging in the back of my eyes. i didn't even want to move.

this past sunday afternoon we went to oviedo high's last play, the wizard of oz, to see little's bestest friend, ansley. who by the way made an adorable munchkin and a sassy witch ...it was all going really well until dorothy started singing "somewhere over the rainbow" immediately i began crying. i couldn't help it. after the show i saw cynthia and randy... they had cried too. which made me feel so much better since randy is about 6' 7 . it seems like only yesterday we had just met in pre-school. the girls running off hand in hand to climb monkey bars and chase cute jared with his little rattail around the playground. time had stretched out before us as we made pb&j's, kissed skinned knees and tucked them into bed kissing them goodnight.

if you see me i'm pretty sure i'll be needing a hug.

to addie:

Now I've been smiling lately,

thinking about the good things to come.

And I believe it could be,

something good has begun.

Cat Stevens

this is the picture we've put in their senior yearbook...

feel free to leave me a comment or critique. i welcome your thoughts. seriously! haha

you don't have to "sign in" or be a fellow blogger, after you type your stuff you just choose your identity and then just put your name there. pretty simple. if you want to be anonymous you can choose that too... but please don't, i think that's a little creepy... but you certainly can sign your name in your note, then put anonymous in your identity... that'd be pretty genius.

so this story has been told to me every year on my birthday since i can remember. i am writing it down because since it came from the "horse's mouth" i want to make sure i get it right and not wait until i am so old and gray that i might forget. my mom was visited by the virgin mary. no, she didn't contact the vatican or the papers or anything like that. it's always been just one of our family stories. we all know about it, believe it, and think it is a wonderful gift. now i'm sharing it.




Florencia Ramona Pazos Guerra de Gonzalez had been married for almost thirteen years without having a successful pregnancy. She had tried and conceived three times and all three times it ended in her first trimester. The doctors didn't have an explanation and at 39 it seemed very unlikely that her wish to have a baby would be fulfilled. Despondent, she sobbed in her mother's arms as Rosa stroked her hair. "what is your hearts desire, mi hija?" her mother asked. "to have a baby, a baby girl" Flor responded through her tears. "then pray" Rosa said, her catholic upbringing of petitioning the saints to intercede was strongly on her mind. "pray to the virgin mary, the mother of jesus and make your desires known to her . let her intercede and see your heart." Flor dried her tears and went to bed... and prayed. As Flor lay napping one afternoon, she was awakened by a light, thinking someone had come into the room she looked up. There in the corner of her room was a shining light, out of the light stepped a figure. a woman with a blue mantle. she came towards Flor to the foot of her bed. three times never turning her back. on the third time a baby was cradled in her arms. the light faded and she was gone. "mami, mami!" Flor cried out as her mother rushed into her room. They hugged and cried and gave thanks for the miracle she had experienced. Being a good catholic, the next morning Rosa took Flor and they lit candles and prayed at the statue of the virgin mary.




as a child i would hear this story and my eyes would grow huge like saucers and i would look at my mother waiting for her to begin laughing at pulling a fast one on me. but the story never changed, and instead of laughing, my mom's eyes would well up with tears of thanksgiving. as i grew older i imagined the story with me as the central player and i was the huge miracle, which sounded pretty good to me when i was around 12. now i look at the story and realize the gift and the miracle was for my mom. that for her, for that moment in her life, God had looked upon her with favor and granted her her life's desire. i don't ever want to forget that in the big things and the small things God is always there.























this picture of the virgin mary has been in my mother's
wallet for as long as i can remember... she put in her wallet when i was born. it's still there.

my sister had a picnic today. she gathered as many girlfriends as she could find that came from cuba on the "pedro pan flights." i think she was able to get them all. they haven't seen each other since they were thirteen and they are all now in their sixties. i want to write about it later when i can let it sink in. just know it was amazing. one of her friends gave me two pictures that i had never seen.

the picture is grainy and out of focus but i just stared at it. my sister and all her friends have memories of cuba. i have none. she had all these friends. i couldn't remember if i had any friends. until now. and i guess i did. i can't even tell you how that made me feel.

written on the back:

19 Abril 1962

Mariflor Gonzalez

Marisela Hernandez

Ismarita Hernandez

i'm sitting in my favorite red chinese chair next to my open window. i can see how the cool breeze moves through the giant bamboo tree that borders the fence. the silver bismark, with it's massive fan-shaped leaves, catches my eye as it dances around in the cool spring morning...

it's a perfect morning

the phone rings. it's arden, my biggums, calling from from college. there's background noise and she sounds a little winded, "i'm walking home from school" she says, "what are you up to?" we chat for awhile... she wants to stay for the summer and take some classes... she wants to go to spain next spring for school ... she's headed to the coffee shop to study

you know, just regular mother/ daughter talk.


i put my feet up on the ottoman and smile. lot's of people take regular mother/daughter banter for granted. i do not. this is a relatively new phenomenon for me... for us. usually it's misunderstood words, rolling of the eyes, and tears on both sides of the aisle. but in this conversation she sounds happy and lighthearted. i hear a tiny bit of homesickness in her voice. not enough for her to actually want to come home, just enough to want to hear from home.



i get a little distracted thinking of how much i'm loving this conversation to actually listen to what she's saying i have to make myself concentrate. focus! what i've wished and prayed for is happening. right now. she's growing up, i'm growing up, we're finally coming together. "i miss you" she's says as the construction noise behind her gets louder and threatens to drown out the words. we relunctantly say our goodbyes.




"i miss you too, sweetheart." i say, smiling and grateful. a perfect morning indeed.






Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;-
Phil 4:6

i've been timing it... there is a rooster somewhere very near my house that crows everyday.


all day.

every 25 seconds...i've been timing it.

if i can find him i think

i'm going to shoot him.



seriously.

i love a God thing. you know, when things just seem to seamlessly fall into place and it isn't usually until it's all played out that you sit back and realize there was nothing random in what just happened.
that's when you stop and say, "wow! what a God thing!" my friend, kitty and i say that ALL the time. especially when we go to camp up in alabama with the youth group ... there, a God thing is always going on.... my sweet little buddy, jennifer and i then switch from saying, 'it's a God thing" to "unbelieveable!!" but we s t r e t c h it out so it sounds like this ..."un bee lee vabble" and then we giggle and shake our heads, incredibly enjoying the greatness of God.





i'm sure you have God things happening to you every day, the trick is to catch him doing it and then squealing with delight or sitting back with your jaw open in amazement. i think He probably enjoys both. well, my latest God thing had to do with my sister and her new dog. there's been a terrible bug this season and both my sis and her husband were bit bad. poor keithums ended up with double pneumonia (same bug that bit mom) and ani had something darn near to it. it was so bad even their dog was sick. but poor pickens, their beagle, had more going on than the cold and it ended up he was in worse shape than they knew.


in the meantime, unbeknownst to us the sad state of affairs that ole pickens was in, some friends of ours informed us that they knew someone who knew someone that was trying to get rid of a dog. a beagle no less. my wheels started turning and i thought if my sister likes one beagle, i'm sure she'd like two. the throw away beagle in question was a little girl about

a year and a half and her owner, a hunter. was going to take her to the pound because she did not like to hunt. i think she was very upset at the fact that she was a beagle and was expected to hunt. sitting in the truck seemed just fine to her. the deal was set, this big guy came in his big

truck to our house and dropped her off. no, she wasn't housebroken and she was heart worm positive but besides that she was a good dog he said.



i called my sister, she said, "bring her right over." ani had jenny (whom she renamed queenie) for about a week when they got the news that pickens would have to be put down. for anyone who is a pet lover, we all know the heartache of that decision. ... a week! are you getting the timing here? are you beginning to see the picture? yep, that's right... man, was that a God Thing or what?